My most precious Ada, Welcome to the world, darling. It must feel exciting, and a little scary to be here, everything so bright and new to your senses. As I read this to you, I’m aware that hearing my voice is one of the only familiar experiences you’ve had in your short life thus far. I’m sure most everyone feels like a stranger to you right now, but that’s not really the case for you and I, is it sweetheart? I suppose that’s one of the unique gifts God gives to mommies, how our bond begins before anyone else. It’s hard to put into words how eager I’ve been to meet you out here. Now that I’m holding you in my arms, I’m definitely speechless, captivated by everything about you. There’s a lifetime of developing, growing, discovering, learning, and experiencing just waiting for you up ahead. Most of it will be confusing, and you need to know that’s okay. You’re not alone. I’m here for you. Much of what the world will show you is beautiful, but there are a lot of things it will try to tell you that are unfulfilling and dishonest. So, baby girl, I want to send you off on your journey being confident of this one unshakable truth: You are fully and completely loved. Before I married your daddy, people said to me, “You think you love him now.” They were right. I remember the day I met him, how our eyes caught each other from across the classroom, and the overwhelming feeling of needing to know him that hit me with unrecognizable force. I remember having those first few strictly class-related conversations, eventually becoming friends, and the moment he asked me on our first date. I remember those early days, when we were wild and free together, driven by what sounded fun and not yet bound by the responsibility of adulthood. I remember how awestruck I was when he played guitar & sang to me. I thought I loved him then. I remember the day that I made a horrible mistake, fully expecting our potential future to be ruined and lost, and the devastation that I felt in my heart. I remember how instead, your daddy showed me grace, and we fought to move forward together. I thought I loved him then. I remember the moment he bent down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. Hurricane force winds & a wall of fog at the top of the mountain kinda ruined his initial plan, but he's a great improviser (; Our families & best friends celebrated together, and I thought I loved him then. I’ll never forget the day I put on a pretty white dress and pledged before God that I would be your daddy’s teammate for as long as we both lived. It was a magical day, an absolute dream come true. I thought I really loved him then. I’ll always treasure the memories we’ve made over these past two years of marriage - falling in love with Guatemala together, eating a little too much pizza and watching a little too much TV, expanding our family with the four-legged fluffy creature over there in the corner that never leaves mommy’s side, and a whole bunch of other normal stuff that feels extraordinary, simply because of how fun your daddy is. I thought I loved him then. I remember the day we found out about you, little bee, and how our hearts exploded with joy when we saw yours beating for the first time on that monitor in the doctor’s office. Daddy didn’t miss a single one of your appointments while we were waiting to meet you, and he prayed for you and me every night before we went to sleep. He could always get you to dance around in my belly with “the wave,” and he didn’t complain when I was too sick or tired to make dinner. He made sure his girls ate as much Chick-fil-A as we wanted (; And I thought I loved him then. Just like I thought I loved you then. I thought I loved you when I saw the word “pregnant” show up on the little stick. I thought I loved you when you still looked like a little tadpole and you waved at us during that first ultrasound. I thought I loved you when we found out you were a baby GIRL, when I felt you moving for the first time, and when you really started to grow visibly, pushing out my tummy as far as it would go! I thought I loved you when I heard the sweet rhythm of your perfect heartbeat after you scared me one time that you weren’t okay in there. And I thought I couldn’t possibly love you more than the moment I held you in my arms for the first time, your eyes searching for mine.
But I was wrong. Just like with your daddy, my capacity to love you becomes greater with each passing day we spend together. The more I get to know you, and the more time we have, the more my love grows. I love you as much as I possibly can in this moment, yet I know that love will only continue to expand. You wanna know something crazy though? God’s love for you isn’t like mine or daddy’s, Ada. His love for you will not expand. It will not grow more as you spend time together. He will not reflect years from now and say, “I thought I loved her then.” Because God’s love for you, unlike my human love, is perfect. It is boundless. It is not dependent on circumstances or emotions. It is not determined by anything you do or don't do. It cannot wane, nor can it amplify, because in and of itself, it is full and complete. Ada Bee, if there's one thing I want you to know to the depth of your bones as you enter this crazy world, it is the foundation of God's love for you. I want you to know that daddy and I love you unconditionally with all of our hearts, and we will protect you with a purposeful fierceness until the day we die. You are safe with us, yes, but it's not enough for you to know our human version of love. Instead, what will anchor you in your darkest moments is believing the reality of God's perfect and complete love for you, just as you are. You were personally thought out and woven together by him, his creative handiwork behind every inch of your body, mind, gifts, and personality that we have yet to learn all about (Ps. 139:13-16; Eph. 2:10). You are a treasure to him simply for being created. Your value is not determined, nor up for debate. There is nothing you can do to make him love you more, so you don't have to strive to earn affection from him {or anyone else, for that matter}. You can rest in the security of his love, sweet girl. At the same time, there is nothing you can do to make him love you less. Your sin will break his heart, yes, but it has already been covered by his blood that he shed when dying to win you. You don't have to live with shame, guilt, or regret. Just run back to Jesus, always. It doesn't matter what you did, he isn't going anywhere. Let this magnificent love draw you to the heart of our Savior, and to repentance. Believe this truth, baby. If you grasp this one thing, it will alter the direction of your life from the start. You won't have to walk through some of the same hardships that mommy and daddy did. You'll have your own struggles, I know this, but I pray that you will be more equipped to handle life's curve balls than I was. When you trust in Christ's love for you, Ada, you will know God's plan for your life, and you will walk in it boldly, because you'll know his plan is best. That's what I want for you. I think I love you now, Mommy <3
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The star of the show has arrived, friends!! The inspiration behind the blog decided to join our world on Saturday morning, January 13, 2018. Born at 6:20am, she weighed in at a whopping 6lb 2.8oz, and was 19.5 inches long. She is perfect and lovely in every way, and her daddy and I are completely obsessed with her. Watching God bring new life into the world and knowing that He allowed you to play a role in that is a marvelous experience. My labor & delivery did not go the way I had expected or planned, yet He remained faithful. My "birth motto" per se was simply "Great is Thy faithfulness." Probably my all-time favorite hymn, the lyrics replayed in my mind continuously during the days leading up to Ada's birth. These first five days of motherhood have been amazing, beautiful, and yes - difficult. Our journey with this sweet little human we've been entrusted with is just beginning, and I'm confident that it will our most extraordinary adventure yet. I love you, Ada Bee. And thank you, Jesus! <3 Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be. Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see All I have needed Thy hand hath provided Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me! Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside! All white everything, natural elements, and a hint of girly flair was my vision for our sweet babe's nursery. Jordan and I had so much fun putting it together for her! All of our {okay, mainly his} hard work has finally paid off, and now we're just eagerly anticipating our little bee to get in there & mess it all up! (; One of the parts of Ada's nursery that I love so much is how many personal touches there are woven throughout. For example, her dresser belonged to my Pop-Pop {Ada's great grandfather!} and was refinished by her daddy, so that's extremely special. We found the antique trunk at the building which now holds our church's new multi-site campus, and rescued it from a trip to the landfill. The canvas with Ada's name on it was gifted to us by a dear friend and co-worker, who has prayed for us from the very beginning of our journey with this little girl {love you s'much, Tay!!}. The chair and ottoman was a total God thing! I never realized how daggum expensive those nursery gliders or recliners are. Like...anywhere from $300-$600+ expensive. We were storing up our gift cards and waiting for Black Friday deals to come around, and then while visiting a Goodwill in Asheville the weekend before Thanksgiving, stumbled upon this bad boy. It was in PERFECT condition {just needed a little shampoo & love!}, and so so comfy! When I saw the $49 price tag for both the chair AND ottoman with hidden storage, I nearly started to cry. I'm completely overwhelmed by the Lord's continual provision for us during this pregnancy! Is anyone else a sucker for details, or is that just me?! Like this adorable door-hanger given to us by Ada's uncle Brent & aunt Bethany, the sweet woodland creatures mobile, succulents that we planted in white teacups, and the monogrammed "A" from my talented friends over at Shiloh Collection {go buy their things!}. Ahh, I feel like I could go on and on about every little inch of this precious room. There are several other meaningful pieces & gifts from family that I didn't mention, and the stories of how it has all come together are endless! Oh, do I love this little space. It might just be my new favorite room in the house! Which I guess is a good thing...cuz I'm about to be spending a lot of time in there. Jesus, I pray that you would bless this nursery with your continual presence. Let it be a room full of peace and security in you, even amidst difficult nursing sessions, chaotic periods of seemingly endless crying, messy blowouts at the most inconvenient times possible, and all the other unpredictable moments of mommyhood. I ask that you place angels at every corner, in front of both windows, the door, and beside the crib where she will sleep, protecting our baby girl at all times. As worship music and lullabies play over her, may your Spirit already begin wooing her heart to yours before she even recognizes the depth of her sin and need for you. Draw her to yourself, Lord, that at an early age she would accept the gracious gift of your salvation, and that with her life she would serve you wholly. Thank you for the joy she has already brought into our days, and I pray that she would be a beaming reflection of your light in this dark and broken world. We love you, Jesus. Use us, imperfect parents as we are, to raise Ada in a way that honors you. And use her life to glorify yourself, for that is the entire purpose of our existence. Thank you for this undeserved gift. Lead us as we begin this journey. In Jesus' holy name, Amen. New Year’s Eve has always been one of my favorite nights of the year. Call me a slave to the cliche, but there’s something about the clean slate of a new calendar year {new, cute planners, helllloooo} and the inherent fresh start that always makes me feel so inspired!
Even though I love NYE, I’ve never been a huge “resolutions” girl. I just don’t really believe in them. For me, they’re not healthy, because resolutions kind of have a pass or fail verdict attached to them. Let’s be honest, most of the time, it’s failure. Instead, I’m big on reflections. With each new year, I love to reflect on what worked, what didn’t work, and how I want to G R O W in the next season. Striving for growth isn’t only healthy, but biblical! We are commanded all throughout Scripture to grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for His glory (2 Peter 3:18). Jesus himself was also portrayed as an example of continual growth in Luke 2:52; “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.” Over the past few years, the idea of a “Word for the Year” has become popular. I’m a massive fan of this idea, but I’ve never participated in it, simply because I've never felt the Lord speak to me specifically about it! I didn’t just want to pick a random inspirational word and then try to craft some uber-spiritual reasoning behind it. If I was going to have a word for the year, I wanted it to be genuine. All of that being said, this is the FIRST year I’ve heard specifically from the Lord about my “word,” and I’m really pumped about it! STEADY. steady (adjective): direct or sure in movement; firm in position; showing little variation or fluctuation; not easily disturbed or upset; constant in feeling, principle, purpose, or attachment synonyms: unfaltering, fixed, stable, dependable The Lord gave me the word “steady” after reflecting on Jeremiah 17:7-8 for the past several months, which declares, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” These verses encapsulate my #1 goal for motherhood: trusting the Lord. Simple concept, right? You’d think it’d be pretty easy to execute. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself over the past few years after stepping into adulthood, it’s how little I truly trust the Lord on a consistent basis. So often, I am just flat out terrible at it. I want to control everything in my life, freak out over the smallest hiccups, and let fear & anxiety rule me far too often…each of which are signs that I’m not truly trusting God, but instead myself, my abilities, my circumstances, or my people. Walking into motherhood, that’s a MASSIVE red flag of sin that shows up on my radar. When I think about 20+ years from now and how I want my adult children to remember me, I desire for one of the first thoughts to pop into their minds to be: “No matter what happened, we always knew that mom trusted God. Even when things were hard or didn’t make sense, mom reminded us that God was good, His character could be trusted, and to place our hope in His sovereignty. We knew she really believed it, because she was steady in her faith and her actions proved her vigilant in her pursuit of Him, always.” If my children remember some version of that about me, then I will know that I’ve done my job exemplifying a life that honors Christ to them. That’s what I want my legacy to be to them. So, how do I get there? Well, I guess I ought to start by uprooting the sin of distrust in my heart through the power of the Holy Spirit! I guess I better strive to be like the tree described in Jeremiah - rooted in the water of life that the Word of God gives, clinging to it for nourishment & refreshment; unafraid of heated circumstances or dry seasons in my life, because I’ll have my trust in the Lord. I’ll continue to bear good fruits of the Spirit, and remain fresh because Christ will be my all. And whew, as a new mom, won’t that be KEY? If there’s any time in one’s life where things probably feel unsteady, overly emotional, confusing, frustrating, and easily upsetting, I imagine it’s got to be when you become a parent for the first time. So, I’m committing to the Lord that I’ll grow in 2018 by remaining steady. This won’t be possible without Him, of course. It goes against all natural parts of my flesh. But by His power, and for His glory, I believe He will help me to remain a steady mom, even as I embrace the chaos and the unknown of bringing a little one into this messy world. Cheers to 2018, friends! I’d love to hear YOUR “words” or reflections for growth in the Lord this year. May we seek to know and love Christ more every day. |
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Ashley Setterlind: Jesus lover, wife, new mama to a baby girl. Archives
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