I’ve been sitting here with an open laptop for about 40 minutes now, just thinking and thinking. My husband is sitting in his favorite chair across the room from me, working on a video for church, and I’m propped up on the couch with a steaming cup of hot water and honey, begging my throat to stop punishing me for simply breathing and swallowing. I’ve got an entire list of “blog ideas” on a brainstorming note, and I’d picked one out to write about this week, but something just doesn’t feel right about it now. None of the other ideas feel quite right either. But, since I’ve committed to post each week, I just thought I’d start typing and see what comes together by the time I’m done rambling. I’ve been sick for close to two weeks now. It’s just a cold (I think/hope?) but if you’ve ever been pregnant and sick, you know how it’s just extra miserable. I’ve also avoided taking any medicine for the past eight months, and have just been letting my germs and aches work themselves out. But, I finally went to the doctor yesterday, and he assured me that Mucinex wasn’t going to hurt our baby, and that at this point, I really just need to try and knock this thing before it gets any worse and turns into something that could be dangerous. SO, I bit the bullet and starting taking some meds. I’m trying to rest the best that I can and praying that I’ll be better soon. Needless to say, I’m exhausted. I just kinda feel icky and useless, and I’ve obviously got serious writer’s block. Or my brain just isn’t working well enough for me to put together coherent, inspiring thoughts for the readers out there. I’ve learned that I’m not a very good “rester.” Even when I’m home all day during the week, I can’t just lay down all day without feeling incredibly guilty and lazy. Which kinda stinks…because if there was any time in one’s life where they should get a free pass to be 100% lazy, you’d think it would be when you’re sick and eight months pregnant. I'll try to start doing better this upcoming week. This has easily been the slowest week of my pregnancy yet. Everyone says that the last two months crawl by, and I’m definitely feeling that now. I’m uncomfortable, constantly stumbling all over the place as I try to get used to my new & ever-growing body, have to go to the bathroom literally every 30 minutes, and obviously, I’m sick right now. It’s not the most fun combo, but it’s still so insanely special and I’m loving every moment of this season - or at least trying to soak it all in. I can’t stop thinking about our baby girl. I’m constantly dreaming about what she will look like, what her temperament will be, and what everyday life is going to be like with her here. I wonder about how our pups will react to her, and picture my husband holding her & doting over her. I imagine taking walks with her and the dogs at the park near our house, establishing new routines, and how much pure light she is going to bring into our lives. I anticipate the sleep deprivation, the untimely blowout diapers that will make me late for SOMETHING, the frustration when I can’t get her to stop crying, and the struggle to accept my postpartum body. And I’m pumped for ALL of it. Ada Bee is so very loved. I feel like my heart might just explode with desire to have her in my arms. I absolutely cannot wait to be a mommy. The closer we get to her arrival, the more confident I become that God has designed MY heart to be just that - a mom. It’s the only job I feel genuinely passionate about or called to. I know I won’t ever be a perfect parent, but I sure will love that little baby & desire to give her my best effort every single day. And I will love the adventure ahead.
I guess while I’m sitting here babbling, the Lord is reminding me to see His glory in the ordinary. Maybe I don’t have a well planned, well constructed, mega encouraging or challenging message to post this week. Maybe I’m just Ashley…a little run-down, scatter-brained version of myself at that. And maybe that’s okay, because when you commit to share your life and journey with others, there’s some moments that feel dull. Being sick and dreaming out loud about my baby as she dances around in my tummy (very visibly, might I add…like seriously she might bust out any sec) is super ordinary. Yet, in the normality of it all, God’s glory is evident. To know Him and to love Him leads to seeing His fingerprints all over your life. Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Life is glorious because of Christ’s glory alone. He gives ordinary moments extraordinary purpose. I pray you’ll notice them this week.
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Ashley Setterlind: Jesus lover, wife, new mama to a baby girl. Archives
October 2018
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