One of my biggest pet peeves is when people hyper-spiritualize things. It just really, really gets under my skin. So I want to start off by saying that through this post, I'm really not trying to hyper-spiritualize something as simple, normal, and routine as an OB tour in the hospital for a first-time mom. That being said, I love how it seems like in my life, every time I need to hear a reminder from the Lord, He shows up in the most ordinary things - like our hospital tour this morning.
To be honest, I've had a tough week. Some unexpected physical & emotional hurts came into my life, and I've just felt kinda "bleh." That's part of the reason this post is not on schedule...whoops! So, today, I really needed the reminder of this all-important biblical truth that's been written on my heart in years past: My Lord is El Roi - the God who sees me. To back it up for a sec, let me explain my nerves leading up to our hospital tour. I have made the personal decision that I would love to attempt a completely, 100% natural childbirth. I say attempt, because I'm not ignorant enough to declare with certainty that I won't end up deciding I want some pain medication or an epidural. But, for my own reasons, natural is the way I desire it to turn out. {Enough about that...not trying to have a debate about something I haven't even personally experienced yet}. My hubbs has been super supportive about this plan, which will be huge if I'm gonna be successful in it. However, we still felt most comfortable with a hospital birth. I've done tons of research, tried to educate myself on all the things, and as a result have been quite nervous about how OUR hospital would view & support my birth wishes. I've heard the scary statistics about the rate of hospital interventions, etc., etc., and I had about 20 million questions lined up to ask whatever poor human being got stuck with us on our tour. I've been praying about all this stuff - over my questions, over my desires, over God's perfect plan for my labor & delivery, over the hospital, over the doctors and nurses we have yet to meet, and yes, while sitting in the waiting room this morning, I begged God to give us a kind, understanding, helpful tour guide. "Ed from Guest Services," you're a rock star, my friend. This sweet man was so patient, loving, and thorough with this anxious first time mommy-to-be, joked around with & involved my husband, making us feel very much like we mattered to him and the rest of the staff. God sees me. Ed answered all of our {extremely specific, whoops!} questions, didn't rush us once, and went above and beyond to even pass along some extra tips & tricks to us. I felt God show up moment by moment, as my checklist of concerns faded away one after the other. Every prayer was answered, and every desire of my heart for the day Ada is born will be a possibility according to the hospital's policies! And of course, because God not only sees us & provides for us, but He is also good, I left the hospital feeling empowered and just a little bit more ready to do this thing {by "this thing" I mean BIRTH A HUMAN GUYS IT'S FINE LOL I AM SO CALM}. So seriously, the life application is this: Wherever you're at, friend, and whatever you're going through this week, don't forget that God sees you. Don't forget that He truly, deeply loves you, and that He wants to know you more. He wants you to invite Him into the big things, yeah, but He equally cares about the details, because He cares about you. And He sees. He sees you. I pray this reminder will be a breath of peace in your life today.
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I wish you could hear a playlist of my thoughts as I weigh the options in my mind: I really should go to church/small group/this party/that event/etc tonight...I didn't make it last week...but I've got that appointment early tomorrow morning...what are people going to think if I don't come?...oh, but I'm just so tired right now...I'm still trying to catch up from last week...but I really should be more social...why am I so antisocial?...I just don't feel up to it right now though...
Do what you CAN. I've never been good at saying "no." I've always cared a little too much about what other people think, and as a result, spread myself a little bit too thin. This season of life - pregnancy - has taught me a lot of lessons, but learning how to say no and being okay with not being "okay" weren't necessarily ones I expected to come with it. I didn't expect to look back at morning sickness {lol, ALL DAY sickness} for 17 weeks as God's grace in my life, but as it turns out, that's exactly what it was. Through that time of forced physical stillness, I was able to hear Him say to me: "Ashley, do what you can." During those weeks, there were days when I had to pick the most important task, and stir up the energy to complete that ONE thing for the day. I felt so weak and broken, and beat myself up over what a "terrible wife" I was being. Now, I can see how the Lord was using that to prepare me to continue recognizing the most important thing in each season to come. There are a lot of great ministries to serve in at church. There are a lot of important social functions to attend. There are a lot of good stay-at-home business opportunities I could use to make additional income for our family, and a lot of different ways I could use the gifts & abilities God has given me. But I've learned that for every good or great thing I say "yes" to, there is a cost. Sometimes, it's simply not worth it. Do what you CAN. In Mark 14:3-9, we learn about a woman who anointed Jesus with a very costly jar of ointment. This was an act of worship and adoration towards Jesus, yet some people didn't approve. I don't know about you, but I sure feel like I can relate to this woman. I might be giving it all I've got, but sometimes, it just doesn't feel like enough. I want to speak some truth over us today, friend. Listen to what Jesus had to say about the woman's service to him: "She has done a beautiful thing to me...She has done what she could...And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her." WOW, okay. Jesus didn't seem to mind that she wasn't involved in 186 ministries, was a PTA mom, ran her own in-home business, and cooked from-scratch paleo meals every night all at the same time. He saw her sacrifice & her heart, and he called it beautiful. In fact, he was so moved by her gesture that he promised to honor her throughout the whole world! {That's why we're talking about her today, and that straight up blows my mind}. Do what you CAN, not what everyone else thinks you should. Do whatever it is that is most important, most appropriate, and most effective for honoring Christ & living out the Gospel in this season, whatever that looks like for you right now. I don't have to do it all, and neither do you. Just give what precious little you have back to the Lord, and he will find it beautiful. I love Instagram. It's easily my favorite social media platform, probably because of how much I love pictures. I was doomed to end up loving photography at some point, and it's all my mom's fault. That sweet woman had me trained like a soldier with a perfect smile before I could talk. When she and my dad built the house I grew up in, they literally added a closet the entire length of our living room wall for the sole purpose of housing all her photo albums, no exaggeration. {Mind you, this was before the digital age when people still developed film for necessity, not art.} All of that to say, I have a deep appreciation for beautiful photos. They make me happy, and they inspire me. *Insert obvious affection for Instagram here*
You can probably tell where this post is headed by now, because unfortunately, it's a common topic of conversation in our world today: our love-hate relationship with Instagram, Pinterest, etc. These platforms are an amazing tool, but I think it's safe to say they've added equal amounts of helpfulness/beauty & comparison/ envy/depression to our lives. While being pregnant, this has become all the more apparent to me, personally. The perfect pregnant mommy holding her perfectly dressed toddler, her perfectly manicured makeup & hair accenting her perfect diamond ring as she smiles perfectly at her perfectly handsome husband, both of them perfectly in shape, of course. The perfect postpartum before & after photos of a perfect new mom sporting a shaker bottle in one hand, dumbbell in the other, as her perfect six-pack is shining for all to see basically 3.4 seconds after she popped out that perfect baby you saw on your timeline a week ago. The perfect nursery...Y'ALL, don't get me started with the perfect nursery, jogging stroller, and adventurous baby-wearing photos, because I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN. I'll be straight up, no hiding it: that's the mom I want to be. I think we all do to some degree, even when we pretend that we don't care & rally behind our mantras of "transparency." Hey, I'm just as guilty as the rest of 'em, so don't stone me yet. But here's the thing: This version of perfect is nothing but poison. This version of perfect does not give life. This version of perfect steals joy, pits friend against friend, and constantly tears down an already broken & hurting world. This version of perfect, in fact, is anything but perfection. Rather, it is a game of smoke and mirrors, hiding the reality we must all one day come to terms with: We are not, and can never be, perfect. Forced to wrestle with the question of why we keep striving for something we know deep down we can never truly achieve, only one answer makes sense: Perfection has to exist somewhere, or we wouldn't realize we're missing it. I know. I know where it exists. I know where we can truly find the perfection we long for. It's in a man, the Son of God, who is the One true God himself. His name is Jesus Christ, and He loves you. Though you are imperfect, He wants to be with you. Though you and I can never measure up to him, he sacrificed his perfect life so that we could know him & enjoy him forever. He, who knew no sin, became sin for us, so that in him we might become his righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21). That's a beautiful hope for today, sweet momma friend. PERFECTION EXISTS! We're not crazy! We're just looking for it in the wrong places, hoping for it in the wrong things, wishing for it through fleeting circumstances of perfect bodies, homes, and well-behaved kiddos. All we really need to do is look at the cross & remember what it means: Perfection has already been won for us. If we chase the One who won it, trusting that what he offers is better than what the world tempts us with, we're gonna be juuuust fine. |
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Ashley Setterlind: Jesus lover, wife, new mama to a baby girl. Archives
October 2018
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