Can you think of a moment in time where you felt your whole world shift instantaneously? A moment where you knew in your soul everything in your life was about the change, whether you were ready for it or not?
For me, it was the second I saw the word "pregnant" show up on the blue & white test in my hand. It was crystal clear, no little lines to decipher. "Pregnant," confirmed by two additional tests, and I knew that no matter what was to come, my life would forever be marked by THAT moment. I remember blinking once, exclaiming "OH MY GOSH!" and bursting into {happy} tears as I buried my face into my husband's chest, who was standing beside me, watching the timer on his phone run down to when we were supposed to check the test results. I vividly remember the mixture of utter shock, excitement, relief {because I'd been dealing with some significant abdomen pain for about 10 days}, and weight that came over me. I knew that "pregnant" meant more than we were going to be parents in nine months. I knew it meant more than "everything is about to change." I knew it meant more than the adjustment & struggles that would come with bringing a new life into this world. It meant that I was carrying a human soul within my body. Even typing the words again, the responsibility becomes so real. God in his sovereignty, for reasons I can never understand, has allowed me, a sinful, imperfect, often fearful & selfish woman, the divine privilege and honor of carrying one of his beloved creations as he personally knits her together inside of my womb. That is a CRAZY amount of grace, and upon understanding how much more significant it is than "making a baby," it's become the most important, most sacred, most beautiful opportunity I have ever been given. We have about three more months until our sweet Ada Beckett will make her entrance into the world. We've done our best to prepare our home {HA, well, still working on it} and our hearts for her arrival, but one overwhelming truth has challenged me throughout the process: I cannot do this mommy thing without Jesus. I couldn't do the college thing without Jesus, marriage thing without Jesus {still can't!}, or life period, without Jesus. Not well, at least. I tried to do it my own way, and it led me down a path of pain & destruction I never want to walk again. So, if I have ONE goal as a mom, it's going to be this: Love Jesus in a way that is SO obvious to the little people entrusted to my care that they can't help but be curious to know who He is too. That's all that matters, momma. We need to stop viewing our children as an extension of ourselves, and look at them instead as individual human souls, separated from God by sin, desperate for a Savior, just like us. It's our job as parents, and greatest calling, to teach them about the Lord, exemplifying a life that honors Him, and praying for our kiddos to have a relationship with Him one day. So, that's the purpose of this blog. This is one young, inexperienced, first-time-momma's journey into mommy-hood in light of the Gospel. I'd love it if you came alongside me!
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Ashley Setterlind: Jesus lover, wife, new mama to a baby girl. Archives
October 2018
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