I feel like the only appropriate way to approach such a weighty subject is with the Word of God:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. -Ephesians 1:3-7 Context, context, context: In the two verses just before this passage, we are given important information. The book of Ephesians is a letter written by the apostle Paul to...you guessed it...the Ephesians. More specifically though, he says that he’s writing to the saints and those who are faithful to Christ Jesus in Ephesus, aka believers. SO, while there’s a lot to unpack in the passage of Scripture above, we must remember that the intended audience for these words are those who have already confessed faith in Jesus Christ, declaring Him as their Lord and Savior. That will also be my intention for this post - I’m primarily speaking to believers for this one. November is National Adoption Month, and I can think of no better week to talk about my passion for adoption than this one, as we celebrate Thanksgiving! Before opening up about my own thoughts and desires concerning adoption, I feel compelled to recognize that it was first created and ordained by God, not man (John 1:3). Therefore, JESUS gets all the glory for adoption, not the parents. It's not about us! The central idea of adoption is simply beautiful to me - that an individual or a family would willingly agree to take a stranger into their home and immediately call them their own child, regardless of any struggles, past experiences, or difficulties that child has faced, committing to love and care for them as their own flesh and blood for a lifetime. I don’t know how anyone can dwell on the gravity of that type of decision and not feel emotional about it! What’s even more stunning to me though, is that I have experienced this type of love firsthand! Glance back up at the passage from Ephesians, and let the insanity of grace wash over you, believer. GOD has done just that for YOU, and for ME. Before the foundation of the world, He chose us, with all of our baggage, to become his children through the blood of Jesus Christ! We have been ADOPTED in the most literal way! Since about my junior year of high school, I’ve known that I felt called to adopt a child one day. When I started dating my husband seriously, we had the typical conversations about what we envisioned our life & family to look like, and I discovered that he also had the same desire before meeting me! It was super exciting, and one of the many confirmations the Lord sent my way that this man was the man I wanted to build the rest of my life with. I’ll be completely honest and say that we still don’t know exactly what that is going to look like for us. Will we adopt internationally, through foster care, or through a private domestic situation? Will it be one child, or a set of four siblings? Will it be a baby, a toddler, or a teenager? Will we have all of our own biological children first? I have absolutely no idea, but I can tell you with confidence that I trust God is writing our adoption story, and we are open to whenever and however He wants to reveal it to us. And we are pumped about it; fully ready to say YES when that opportunity comes our way. Now that you know all of that about me, I have something to say. I have a strong conviction that if you are a true believer in Jesus Christ, (1) understanding how you have been adopted by God (Rom. 8:14-17; Gal. 4:4-7; 2 Cor. 6:18), (2) understanding the command by God to care for the fatherless that is clearly all over Scripture (Prov. 31:8-9; Ps. 82:3; Matt. 25:40; James 1:27; Deut 14:27-29), and (3) understanding the overwhelming need to help orphans both in our own backyards and all across the globe, how can you NOT pray and consider adoption? Please notice what I didn’t say. I didn’t say “Every Christian should adopt, period. If you don’t, you’re sinning.” What I did say was that every Christian should pray about adoption. Some people ask, why adopt? But honestly, that’s the wrong question. The question for us, as believers, should be, why not? I don’t necessarily believe that every Christian is called to adopt a child. I believe there are some legitimate reasons why certain families might choose not to - maybe age, medical conditions, marital instability, etc. But with that, I also believe there’s a large chunk of us American Christian families that are flat out too fearful, selfish, and/or comfortable with our perfect little lives to make a difference in a crisis that breaks God’s heart, and that’s pretty sad. So, I must ask you, reader, have you ever prayed about what your role in adoption and foster care should be? I mean, really prayed. Not just the casual “Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours and show me if I’m supposed to do something about this pain I’m seeing on my 15th mission trip to an orphanage.” No no, I mean have you sought God earnestly for a consistent, extended period of time, specifically asking Him not IF you should play a part, but HOW you should. Because the reality is, as Christians, we are commanded to care for the fatherless. It’s not an option, it’s a command. The intricacies of that are going to look different for all of us, but I believe with all my heart that we can do more than what we’re willing to do right now. We’re just either too scared or flat out unwilling to ask the Lord to give us a task that might make us step outside of our comfort zone. Maybe you’re really not called to adopt. That’s between you and the Lord, and I won’t argue with you about it. But maybe you are called to be a foster parent for a specific season of life. Or maybe you’re called to provide emotional support to a family who fosters and is having a difficult time. Maybe the Lord wants to use you to make a significant financial contribution towards a friend’s adoption, something more than the $20 you spent without thinking to buy a t-shirt they were selling. There’s a multitude of ways that we can step up as Christians surrounding adoption and foster care, and our creative God will certainly be faithful to show us our role when we humbly and diligently seek His wisdom. Sometime within the next 24 hours of you reading this {if you’re reading when I’ve initially posted} you’re going to be sitting around a table full of warm, delicious food, and likely many family members, remarking to each other how thankful you are for all you’ve been blessed with. My prayer is that while we enjoy the blessings and praise God for them, our thoughts will also turn towards the orphan who has no one to hug this Thanksgiving, and will eat the same dinner they do every day, because the orphanage never has sufficient funds to care for them all. I pray that our hearts will break for the child in our own city that’s stuck in yet another terrible, unloving, possibly abusive foster care situation, simply because the person that was next on the list to take them in wasn’t someone who knew the saving power of Jesus Christ like you do. Christians, we can’t celebrate another Thanksgiving in our beautiful homes with full bellies and full hearts, unwilling to pray the scary prayer that God might ask us to do something just a little bit radical for the Kingdom, and continue to call ourselves true believers. That’s just not what following Jesus is about. It’s about going out into a broken, lost, and dying world & sharing with them the glorious truth of the Gospel that changes lives through whatever means necessary - adoption included. So, here’s my challenge to us {including myself in this!}: Let’s commit to pray for five minutes every day about what God’s role for us is in all of this, from Thanksgiving until December 31, 2017. Just give the Lord five minutes a day for the last few weeks of this year and ask Him to wreck your heart with HIS plan for your life. Who knows, maybe He’s writing a story for you that you didn’t know existed. Maybe He’s just been waiting on you to ask Him to reveal it ♥ Happy Thanksgiving, and blessings!
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The double-edged sword of a holiday that comes once a year is just around the corner...Thanksgiving.
...which also means Black Friday. The increasing irony of sharing a meal with family, remembering all we've been blessed with and are grateful for, then turning around to immediately sell our souls to the snare of materialism never ceases to amaze me. At least a few years ago we got a full 24-hours to be "thankful" before the pandemonium began, but not anymore. Shoot, for some stores, "Black Friday" begins before Thanksgiving! I'm not saying I'm above it! I'm as guilty as the rest of ya'll, especially this year. We've got a baby on board, and there are some large items that we still need {can I even use that word, need?}. I'm hoping to get some great deals on Black Friday too! On the flip side, because we've got a baby on board, I've been spending a lot of time recently meditating on what it means to cultivate a grateful heart. I mean, what it really means. I want to be a mom that models contentment & generosity to her children, but that sure as heck doesn't come naturally to me, especially when I walk through Target. Can I get an amen & a cheers with our Starbucks cups all around? I don't know what it is about Target, ya'll, but it just slays me every time. I turn into a nasty little green-eyed monster in that place, looking at all the pretty things & feeling a sudden urge to max out the Red card and completely redecorate my entire house. It's a force to be reckoned with. Here's the thing: while I mean all of the above in a half-joking, lighthearted way, it's the opposite of lighthearted at the core. It's a worldly attitude. It's not of Christ. It's sinful, and it needs to be uprooted in us. But how? As I've considered what it looks like to cultivate a truly grateful heart, I think it comes back to a simple belief about who I think God is. Do I believe He will provide for me, or don't I? See, when I'm constantly seeking - for more stuff, for affirmation, for the deepest desires of my heart that have yet to be fulfilled - I'm not exemplifying that I believe God will provide for my needs. Did you catch that? For my needs. Not that He'll provide for all my wants, or make my life go exactly the way I've planned it. The Lord is not my genie or my fairy godmother, and this life isn't about me at all. He is the One and only Sovereign God of the universe, King of kings, Creator and Sustainer of all life itself, and I best know my place and fall on my face and worship Him. Yet as much as He is above me (Is. 55:8-9), He is also still near to me (Ps. 145:18), loving and providing for me as a father does for his daughter (Jer. 31:3; Matt. 6:25-32). When I grasp that and believe it about Him, it's changes my perspective on Thanksgiving. You see, it shouldn't even be as basic as being grateful and appreciative of all the simple blessings we have, like food, shelter, clean water, clothes, family, freedom, etc. {even though those are great things to remember!} Instead, the core of my thanksgiving should be rooted in the sheer glory of God's holiness. It's because of who HE is and knowing Him personally that we have the ability to say as Paul did, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation" (Phil. 4:12). He is the source. He is the prize. He is everything we need, and He knows the details of the provisions we currently lack in our lives. We can trust that He's good & faithful, holding it all together, and running the show according to His perfect will. To have a relationship with THAT God, well, that's more fulfilling than any amount of trips to Target can ever be. Lord Jesus, help this to mark our hearts in a new way this Thanksgiving, for Your glory. It started when I was just over four months along, and I had begun noticing myself start to show a little baby bump. I was SO excited. I finally had to make the move to maternity jeans and was thinking I didn't look like I'd simply eaten one too many pints of Ben & Jerry's anymore... Then I went to the library. While browsing the parenting section, I struck up a simple conversation with a mom who was simultaneously watching her toddler look at a picture book & changing her 8-month-old's diaper. Full of all the baby excitement, I proudly told her that I was 17 weeks along myself, expecting to be met with equal excitement. Instead, I was met with a look one would anticipate if I'd suddenly grown an extra head while speaking, and "You ARE?! Are you sure?" First off, lady, I've been throwing up every day for literally 3 months straight now. I've seen my baby cartwheeling around on a sonogram and heard her heartbeat, so, YES, I'M SURE. Then, polite as can be, she added the dagger: "You look really small. Make sure you're taking care of yourself, sweetie." OH, THANKS. Because what every first time mom really needs to hear is that she's probably not taking good enough care of her baby. SO HELPFUL. I wish I could say that's where it ended, but unfortunately, the overwhelming remark I have received about my appearance during my pregnancy is "you look so small!" I've heard it from just about EVERY stranger I meet in public that asks how far along I am, and even well-meaning church people. You might be sitting there rolling your eyes at this point, wondering how on earth I could possibly be unnerved by a comment that most women (myself included under normal circumstances) practically beg to hear at any moment of the day. You poor thing, Ashley, you're skinny, woe unto you. Get over yourself. Before you shut down and label me #salty, hear my heart. Insecurity has always been a struggle in my life. And specifically, concerning my body image, it's been a battle I've had to repeatedly take to the foot of the Cross for my entire young adult life. My past includes anorexia, and some of my greatest concerns during counseling through that season were 1) Will I be able to get pregnant? and 2) How on earth will I handle it when I am and start gaining weight? Wanna know something else that makes this comment tough on me? I am measuring small. There, I said it. I've been consistently measuring smaller than is "normal" for my pregnancy. I can't tell you the amount of times I've worried over that, even though my doctor has assured me at every appointment that it's FINE & she's not concerned about our baby. I'm gaining weight, and Ada is growing steadily, but for whatever reason, this is how my body is carrying her. Insecurity is real for me. Insecurity in pregnancy can look different for everyone, but it is real for ALL women who have ever experienced it, and I'd venture to say amplified once you throw in the hormone circus going on in your body. Here's the pro tip: The ONLY thing you should ever say to a pregnant lady about her appearance is this - "Girl, you look AMAZING!" Seriously. Because you know what, she does look amazing. No matter how she's carrying. No matter if she's muscular, petite, curvy and toned, tall and lean, or a little swollen and rocking some cankles. She's amazing because she is growing a tiny human, and that's a lot of stinking work on her body! Don't tell her she looks like she's about to pop, or that she hardly looks pregnant, or really anything at all related to her size, even if you mean it as a genuine compliment. You don't know what her journey has been like, and even though you mean well, you don't know how it's going to affect her. Just support that cute lil' momma-to-be & let her know she is doing a killer job, and that she looks stunning doing it! For the record, I honestly believe that's what Jesus wants from us, too. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." {Ephesians 4:29} This is such a simple guidance in wisdom with our speech, but how often do we pay close attention to it? I know I fail at this, often. And did you know that the context of this verse is set in a passage that talks about unity and maturity in the body of Christ, along with further instructions for Christian living?! Pretty cool stuff, eh? Let's encourage each other to do better at lifting others up this week, with or without baby bumps. Oh, and if you're reading this & realize you're one of the sweet folks who has made a similar comment to me over the past few months, it's really okay. I'm not that #salty about it {anymore} (; I'm gonna shoot straight: It's been a really, really difficult week.
Last Monday, some close friends experienced a truly unimaginable loss. It's not my story to tell, so I am going to respectfully decline sharing any details, but I want to stop right now and implore you, reader: If you are a follower of Christ, please pray for my friends. God knows their names & their need. Thank you! While I can't and won't pretend to understand even a semblance of the pain they are going through, I can still say with confidence that I am absolutely heartbroken along with my friends. I have been grieving, and I have been a wreck. I have not been "okay." I have been clinging to the truth of God's character, meditating on these exact sentences through a situation that I can't understand cognitively: "God is still good. God is still loving. God is still trustworthy." There have been moments this week where that's all I've had the strength to say. My prayers have sounded a lot like this: "Lord...*and a long silence*...I don't know what to say right now. You promise in Romans 8 that the Spirit helps us in our weakness, interceding for us according to the will of God with groanings too deep for words. I need you to do that for me now." And then I'll continue to sit in numbed silence, or give my anxious hands another load of laundry to do. It's OKAY to not be "okay." It's okay to be heavy of heart. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18). We live in a fallen world, and pain happens. We can be sad. Jesus grieved loss too (John 11). BUT, if we want true peace, we must run to God, not away from Him in the midst of our hurting. About three days ago, I stumbled upon James 5:16 for the first time in a while, which says: "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." I immediately felt convicted, and when my husband walked in the door from work later, I cried as I confessed my greatest sin of the week - lack of trusting in God, resulting in paralyzing fear. I said the words out loud to him that had been ruminating in my heart on a 24/7 loop since the moment I heard bad news about our friends: "I am petrified of losing her." Mommy-hood at any stage, including pregnancy, can easily become riddled by fear over a multitude of various things. But to be honest, until this week, losing Ada at this point, in my third trimester, was kind of off my radar. It's crazy how in mere seconds of vulnerability, the enemy can pinpoint your weak spots and poison you with his deception. And my sin has been giving in to his lies, letting them rule me instead of the truth & peace of Christ. I've been paralyzed by fear this week, paranoid for every 5 minutes that go by where I don't feel my daughter move, using all my willpower to not google every new pain in my belly, all while truly grieving a broken heart, feeling the heaviest guilt for being pregnant, trying to still rejoice over this season in my life, and beating myself up for being stressed out because I know "that's not good for the baby either." Yet in all this, I'm SUPER thankful, because I have been in this place of darkness before, and this time, I recognize it. This time, I'm using the tools I've learned from my previous pit, and in the powerful name of Jesus Christ I proclaim that I WILL NOT STAY HERE. So as I close, I'm letting you in on my plan of attack. It's the same method I learned in Christian counseling years ago, and it brought me out of the darkness before. I'm going to find as many Scriptures as it takes on fear, God's nearness, God's love, and God's faithfulness, and I'm going to write them on little cards. I'm going to post those cards EVERYWHERE, all over our house, where I'll see them constantly, and I am going to drill those truths into my heart and mind, speaking God's WORD over my fear. And I am believing that once again, the Lord will be faithful to complete the good work in me that He has begun. My hope is built on Christ alone. Will you pray for me as Jesus and I fight this fear together? I'd be so grateful if you would. Here's to a better week ahead! |
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Ashley Setterlind: Jesus lover, wife, new mama to a baby girl. Archives
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